The Federal Bureau of Investigation defines “organized crime” as:
"any group having some manner of a formalized structure and whose primary objective is to obtain money through illegal activities. Such groups maintain their position through the use of actual or threatened violence, corrupt public officials, graft, or extortion, and generally have a significant impact on the people in their locales, region, or the country as a whole."
We’ll get to the “crime” part in a minute. But first, what are the similarities between the Republican Party and organized crime syndicates and gangs?
OC & Gang Members Often Wear Uniforms: Check. Here’s the GOP uniform: dark suit, dark tie.
Gang Members Often Incorporate The Emblems of Sports Teams Into Their Dress: Check.
OC & Gang Members Often Display Insignias to Indicate Their Allegiance: Check. And Check.
OC & Gang Members Often Use Odd Nicknames: Check.
So the Republican Party, on the surface, has much in common with organized crime and gangs. But what about the more important distinguishing characteristic of OC activity? Namely, the “crime” part?
Violent Mob Activity, Physical Violence and Intimidation:
“[T]he G.O.P.'s march turned into a mob. The screaming, the pounding on doors and the alleged physical assaults on Democrats suddenly made a bemused public queasy. … Luis Rosero, a Democratic observer, claims he was punched and kicked. Republicans dispute the charges, but video cameras caught scenes of activism that had morphed into menace.”
Picture.
“Rep. Bill Janklow, a towering figure in South Dakota politics for three decades, went on trial Monday in his boyhood hometown on a manslaughter charge stemming from an August crash that killed a motorcyclist.”
"Marc Miller, a Washington attorney who advises clients on ethics issues, told Chatterbox that what Novak described not only looked like 'a slam-dunk violation of the bribery law' but probably also included 'a smorgasbord of other criminal violations.' Rep. Smith, Miller said, 'should really be sharing the specifics with the Justice Department.'"
“Senate Judiciary Committee Chairman Orrin Hatch (R-Utah) announced last night that a committee aide has been suspended after an internal investigation determined that the aide had accessed sensitive Democratic computer files that were leaked to the press.”
More Intimidation, Violation of Federal Law:
"What was done here was thuggish, malevolent, illegal, and immoral. Whoever peddled this story to Novak and others, in outing Plame, violated the law and put the lives of Plame's overseas contacts at risk. Compared to this, all of Clinton's peccadilloes look like an mildly diverting scene from an Oscar Wilde production. If Rove or other high-ranking White House officials did what's alleged, then they've earned the wrath of God."
Like most organized crime families, the leaders of the Republican Crime Syndicate tend to leave the law-breaking to their underlings. But, as with most OC enterprises, the leaders accumulated a lengthy rap sheet in their younger days:
George W. Bush Arrest for Theft:
“The first time that George W. Bush was arrested, he had just stolen a Christmas wreath. … Mr. Bush later recalled that he and his friends had perhaps had a few beers and were loud and boisterous. In addition, a police car was approaching. The police arrested Mr. Bush and charged him with disorderly conduct.”
George W. Bush Detained by Police After Drunken Vandalism:
“The theft of the Christmas wreath appears to have been Mr. Bush's first tangle with the police, but it was not the last. A year after that arrest, he was attending a football game at Princeton and cheering for his DKE brothers on the Yale team. At the end of the game, he and other students charged onto the football field and tried to knock down the goal posts, seizing pieces as souvenirs. The Princeton police tried to re-establish order and caught Mr. Bush brazenly sitting on a crossbar of a goal post, determinedly trying to pry off a piece for himself. The police seized him, interrogated him and finally released him on the condition that he leave Princeton by dusk. He has never been back.”
George W. Bush Arrested for DUI.
Dick Cheney Arrested for DUI AGAIN.
That’s four arrests and one ‘detainment’ for Bush and Cheney. Has any President/VP combo ever had that many? Has any major-Party President/VP candidate combo even had that many?
Clearly we’re dealing with a vast and dangerous criminal enterprise, here: An unruly, violent collection of thugs using physical intimidation to stop ballot-counting. Manslaughter. Bribery. Theft. A common criminal employed by the U.S. Senate. More theft. Vandalism. Drunk Driving. There’s certainly enough evidence for the DOJ to add the Republican Party to its organized crime watch lists, and begin some investigations.
But we must disagree with Tim Noah, who urges Rep. Smith to come forward with details about who tried to bribe him. We know that organized crime does not look upon snitches kindly. We suggest Rep. Smith, for his own safety, first cut a deal and enter the Federal Witness Protection Program. Who knows what this vicious band of outlaws would do to keep him quiet?
UPDATE: The "sports teams" link above seems to suddenly be very slow-loading. If you can't get to it, suffice to say that it's a hilarious photo of NY Gov. George Pataki wearing a Yankees hat, Yankees jacket, and holding a Yankees license plate.